don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I touched a dick in church today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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