Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
