Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
