you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
