I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
