Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
