The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
