hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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