It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
