so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
