Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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