I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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