My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
ok first of all what the fuck
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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