I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
