dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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