im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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