Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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