I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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