i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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