spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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