There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
