I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
