Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he thought i was a dude.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
