I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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