in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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