so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
