just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
