woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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