i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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