I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
