I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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