I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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