a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
