how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
