All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
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So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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