I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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