Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
