I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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