Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
