My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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