i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
