You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
