My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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