I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
