We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize