come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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