Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
