I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
