i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
