Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
