omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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