after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
