shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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