i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
