I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
