Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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