fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
