Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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