remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize