Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
