dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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