1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
