just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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