Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
