im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
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We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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