I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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