What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
