is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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