How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
