i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
