so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
