This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
