he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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