what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My vagina just clenched in fear
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
