I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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