he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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