I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
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Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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