well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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