I'm lost and stupid without you.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
