Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
