You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
