i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
