She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
