so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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