he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
