i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
