remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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