Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
